Maybe we should pine for porta-potties sometimes

A place to enjoy in west Morris

The headline reads "Morris residents questions accessibility to public buildings." It's on the front page of the November 1 edition. Something is wrong naturally so we might wonder: should it be "Morris resident questions" or "Morris residents question?" 

Hmmm. It's a front page headline so I don't think it's de minimis to point out. Looks like we're talking about a Morris resident, singular. And the matter at hand is public facilities. 

The SCT article points out "West Side Park." I am not aware of a park with that name. The main park of west Morris is "Wells Park." That must be the place. Looks like there are some bathroom damage questions? 

Going to the other side of the tracks, there are questions about our public library. Wheelchair accessibility? I remember the late P.J. O'Rourke talking about how all these public accommodations standards were fine in principle. But when it comes time for enforcement, the measures can get a little onerous. He talked about how all post offices have ramps, and that postal employees could be assumed to show the proper courtesy for access. No, the letter of the law or regulations would demand more. P.J. demurred. 

Am I agreeing with P.J.? Well, not lock, stock and barrel. I do believe government-enforcement regulations can cross a line to unreasonableness sometimes. Have you read the stories about the havoc caused when super-zealous people go around making use of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA)? 

Again, the regulations are based on sound principle. But think of the cost that might be imposed to attain perfection. Also keep in mind how government does not reason like private industry. Heaven help us if we relied on private industry completely. But let's consider the opposite extreme too. The zealousness can cause reasonable people to begin shaking their heads. 

I assure you, I have read about ADA-oriented people going on a tear. And I am truly sensitive to handicapped needs. I remember toward the end of my parents' lives, I discovered that the DMV office in Morris did not have a wheelchair ramp. I thought a place like this would have been forced into compliance long before. We got by. I was an able-bodied caregiver and able to do a lot. The DMV has since installed a ramp. 

Our city manager assures us there is insurance to cover the restroom damage at "West Side Park." Money from insurance does not grow on trees, just like money of any kind does not grow on trees. Insurance companies are not exactly fond of paying claims, just as no one likes having $ disgorged from them. And so insurance premiums go up. 

Contractors are burdened by insurance requirements. So the costs get passed on. The inflation we hear about on the news is going to make this matter more vexing. Are you contemplating home improvements? Window replacement? 

 

A motivated individual

The SCT article indicates there is an individual keeping a close eye on things in regard to handicapped needs. Again, wonderful in principle. We hope that on a practical level, everything can be handled just fine too. But if you read the article, you may have been left wondering. 

The city manager exuded some exasperation when he said "the city does not have to drop everything and pay to get it done." 

I'm not sure if the next sentence is attributed to the city manager or not: "Some projects are simply too expensive to take on, citing the $200,000 to $300,000 cost to put in new bathrooms and concession stand at Wells Park." We read earlier in the article that the bathroom "damage" was covered by insurance. 

Maybe Blaine Hill was talking about a scenario where the city would just build new. Isn't it great to build new things all the time? Look at the softball complex. That place has permanent bathrooms, right? Like Big Cat Stadium? And the stage building at East Side Park? (Yes, there really is an "East Side Park.") 

 

"Out of order"

A cautionary note: Bathrooms/urinals are delicate for long-term use. Guys have seen "out of order" signs on urinals. And to repeat: having a contractor or repair person show up is getting more concerning with cost. We're talking public facilities where public $ is at stake. Does it affect our already high property taxes? Does the state income tax play in? Just thought I'd mention that, because Republicans if elected say they'd like to scrap it. Republicans are already coming after our Social Security and Medicare. That's what they say, anyway. 

Public money has to be disgorged from the public somehow. 

So as I try to synthesize my thoughts here, I cannot help but ask: are porta-potties really so terrible? People my age can remember using full-fledged outdoor bathrooms a.k.a. outdoor johns. Maybe by today's elevated standards, it doesn't pass muster. 

Oh, I know it's unpleasant to spend a couple minutes in a porta-potty. But don't you find that it's only on rare occasions that you need to? Can't you put up with it ever so briefly? When I was young, no one talked about "hand sanitizer." Geez, it's enough to give you germophobia. Time to get real or lighten up? 

A couple years ago, the city manager went on the radio with Marshall Hoffman to explain why the city park bathrooms could not be open as early as April. I attended an MACA softball game at Wells Park a few days earlier. The varsity and JV played at Wells that day. I enjoyed being there. I did not have to "relieve myself." I would have considered porta-potties to be acceptable. Maybe the general public does not any more. 

As a rule of thumb, any system that involves water has a high probability of maintenance issues. So let's think twice about having such a high standard with so many public places, of having permanent bathrooms. 

The Killoran stage, East Side Park

While we're at it, let's question the original idea of having the Killoran stage built in the first place. The problem is obvious: it never gets used. For a few years it had a role in Prairie Pioneer Days. 

PPD as we once knew it is gone. The building sits there like a hulk all year, all through the cold winter: there it is. We're so used to seeing it, we might not think much about whether it's justified. It's part of the landscape here in Motown. I'm sure it requires city money to maintain. I saw work on the roof a couple years ago. And it has those cotton pickin' bathrooms. Facilities with water, inherently fragile. 

If Republicans dominate with today's election, taxes and government spending will be slashed all over the place. Keeping up with the ADA demands will only get more daunting. 

It is accurate to say "horror stories" have appeared in the media about the ADA allegedly being taken too far. You will find people in any community who push for these things. I don't wish to cross them, so let me say their intentions are quite sound. But I'm reminded of the William F. Buckley book from long ago: "Did You Ever See a Dream Walking?" 

In closing, let me recall a conversation I had with good ol' Jim McRoberts long ago. It was during the 1987 World Series. Broadcaster Al Michaels took heat for comments during commercial breaks when his words were not reaching the broad audience. Impolitic remarks, let's say. Grousing about his hotel room in the Twin Cities. So Jim remarked: "I'll bet this is a guy who grew up using an outdoor bathroom."

Addendum: So you think everything is handicapped accessible in Morris? What about the cemetery?

Addendum No. 2: Fox News has a reporter named Porter Berry. Keith Olberman referred to him as "Porta-Potty."

- Brian Williams - morris mn minnesota - bwilly73@yahoo.com