One year of being together in heaven

T-shirts for UMM Retirees Association.

The calendar moves ahead with one generation receding and another entering its prime. It's the natural order of things.
It was a year ago today (Wednesday) that Martha H. Williams departed for heaven. She grew up in the "company town" of Brainerd MN. The railroad was king there. Martha's father Andrew Ohlson owed his living to the rails. He and wife Hilda began their family of three children when Andrew was at a pretty advanced age for this.
Martha's own husband was eight years older than her. Her husband was Ralph Williams who taught music and was the acclaimed choir director at the high school in Brainerd. Washington High School it was called. The high school choir won high awards. I never asked my parents to what extent their relationship started when Mom was still in high school. That would be a logical area of inquiry.
World War Two came along and swept my father to the Pacific where he was a lieutenant, in charge of a crew guarding a merchant ship, a "tanker" as Dad described it. Toward war's end he got assigned to the USS Appalachian. We got invited to reunions of that crew through the years but did not attend. Dad seemed to want to detach himself from war memories, though he was never averse to sharing his basic background. I personally wish he had gotten involved in organizations like the VFW and American Legion.
He and other officers visited the Japanese mainland shortly after the end of hostilities. He witnessed stark desolation. The relentless firebombing had wreaked havoc. He painted a picture of the Japanese people being totally submissive and humble at that point. The movie about Douglas MacArthur showed us how Japan was re-formed with progressive ideas. Gregory Peck as MacArthur talked about allowing women to vote and encouraging labor unions.
 
Lifelong bond to the 'U'
Dad came home after the war and reaffirmed his ties to the University of Minnesota. He had gotten his undergraduate degree at the U. The 1950s saw him teach at the U of M St. Paul School of Agriculture. I have memories of preschool age from when Dad was in that phase. Yes there was a pre-Morris phase in the story of the Williams family. But Morris completely took over starting in 1960. That was with the launch of our U of M-Morris. So invested did our family become, Dad arranged for cemetery plots at our Summit Cemetery.

The joy of raking leaves: Northridge Drive, Morris

I personally am very cool about associating with the cemetery. Society is rapidly changing its attitudes about funerals and cemeteries.
Up until Dad's death six years ago, such things as funerals and cemeteries were taboo for discussion in our family. We couldn't imagine a world in which any of us departed. We had some experience with losing family pets. That was hard enough to deal with. We had lost "Misty" our German Schnauzer and "Heidi" our Lhasa Apso. Misty had health problems at about nine years of age, and Heidi lived to over 16. Our third dog was Sandy and he was alive through the end of my father's life. He was clearly Dad's dog or "Daddy's Doggie" as we'd call him (but never around company). Sandy was half American Eskimo and half poodle. He probably had the most personality of our three dogs but we loved them all equally.
The death of pets does not provide adequate conditioning for the arrival of other deaths.
Both my parents were blessed by the miracles of modern medical science. On the other side of that coin were the challenges and difficulties of getting very up in years. Mom and Dad both got past 90 years of age. Age created hurdles for both. They kept their awareness of the world around them and could enjoy life. Mom spent a short time in a nursing home in recovery from pneumonia. I find little joy in nursing homes. The people who work there do yeoman's work, no doubt. But it's impossible to deal successfully with every bump in the road that the residents come upon. New complications can surprise you.
 

Would you believe he once raced a float plane taking off?

Remembering the challenges
Mom has been gone exactly one year. I think caregivers like me can look back and wonder how we might have done things better, but we fall into the fallacy of thinking we could have anticipated every new wrinkle or complication seamlessly. No that's impossible. We must resist the hindsight.
I made sure Mom got help for organ prolapse. She had a couple UTIs which may have been related to that. I didn't realize at first that UTI can affect one's mental state.
I made sure Mom got hearing aids. I realized those were working one day when we were in the car together: I muttered something softly and she answered! Mom herself was too stubborn holding off on getting a mammogram. Without me getting assertive, it would never have happened. Finally it had to be done. Mammograms are clouded in some dispute these days, when and how often etc. Cancer treatment in general seems subject to debate: when to intervene and how aggressively.
Mom had to be rushed twice to St. Cloud Hospital for heart issues. I commend our SCMC on all such occasions. I'm sure I developed a reputation as a "helicopter" family member whenever I took my parents for needed attention. At the nursing home the staff decided I shouldn't be in the dining room. I had been freaking out because of Mom being reluctant to take her pills. Even in applesauce it was no routine thing. I'm sure that's a common problem.

What a car! In 1950

My task as caregiver had its own risk for me - I could be second-guessed. A friend told me a while back "you got through it."
If I live to be 100 I'll never forget the details of how Mom and I got through each day in the last couple years of her life. Dad was more manageable in spite of his obvious weaknesses. He dodged a health bullet in the 1980s when he got to Abbott-Northwestern just in time for a heart operation. He had been through a change of doctors. Had he stayed with his original doctor he would have died. Yes, God created us with frailties and challenges. We're indebted to Dr. Stock.
Mom had surgery for "adhesions" at SCMC. Thanks to Dr. Sam. It was Dr. Sam who helped to deal with her cancer also. I was put in a separate room and not allowed to even consult at the time of that. I guess the question was how aggressive to be with the surgery. Most certainly Mom would have been conservative.
It's impossible to second-guess anything now. Mom lived to age 93 and almost to 94, and Dad lived to 96. I regret that we followed through on any cemetery arrangements. I did this as sort of a default thing, figuring that my parents would not want to question tradition. I would have much preferred designating that money for memorial contributions. We did that anyway by recognizing the University of Minnesota Foundation. But we could have done more. And I might still do more. The U of M was everything to my family.
 

This was two years before your blog host was born

Dubious about cemetery, yes
My parents are most surely resting in peace. I resent our local cemetery because it is not handicapped accessible. I stopped out there Monday and wanted to shake my head. The whole effort out there seems pointless. It belongs in another age. It's not for the benefit of my parents who are in heaven. If it's for me, I can pass.
My grandparents on Dad's side are buried at Glenwood Lutheran Cemetery. I was pleased to visit there on Christmas Eve Day, and to also attend the afternoon Christmas Eve service at Glenwood Lutheran, my grandparents' church, Martin and Carrie. It was also the church of my uncle Howard and his wife Vi.
Howard thought I was a wayward human being. I'm sorry about that. Maybe I'm God's punishment for Dad marrying one of his students.
 
Thanks to Del Sarlette for scanning the photos that appear with this post, and with the post on my companion site "I Love Morris."
 
- Brian Williams - morris mn minnesota - bwilly73@yahoo.com

Dad as Navy Lt. at right in the Pacific, WWII

Dad with first hour music appreciation class in Brainerd.