"P.K." can mean preacher's kid or professor's kid

The hub of music at UMM: the humanities-fine arts center

I once heard the term "P.K." and it was meant to mean "preacher's kid." I guess kids in that category have a certain mantle to wear.
A band director in our area, now retired, once said "don't put a pastor's kid on the tuba." The parents are known to be so mobile. A band does not have a full-fledged tuba "section," not like clarinets or trumpets. Curiously, clarinets (and flutes) were for girls while trumpets and trombones were associated with boys, with a few exceptions of course.
All this gender-associated stuff bothered me. A friend found an old school photo that included me playing the French horn. The photo included several French horn players, of whom I was the only male. I probably didn't say anything about feeling stigmatized. But for sure I felt it, and it caused some natural defensiveness.
Why should the French horn be associated with girls? The real safe haven for boys was trumpet. In that respect it was like football. We are learning more and more about the real suffering that the male gender is exposed to, playing football. It takes time for society to adjust. Football is not withering on the vine the way it ought to be. The progression is halting. My parents discouraged me from even trying to play football, as they thought it was senselessly painful. My goodness, how they exuded wisdom.
I also fancy myself answering to the "P.K." initials but in my case, it's "professor's kid." We too have recognizable spots, I feel. At present I'm preparing to share some thoughts on behalf of our family fund at the University of Minnesota-Morris. It's called the Ralph and Martha Williams Fund. My name can be left out of it. I supplied the impetus for the fund because my father was deceased and my mother had entered that phase of life where she was highly dependent.
Fortunately Mom was able to stay home until the end of her life last April. You may not know she had cancer - her death certificate, prepared by her highly capable family physician Dr. Barnstuble, cited breast cancer as cause of death.
 
A "tough Swede," definitely!
God intends for all of us to face end of life issues. A year before Mom died, a doctor at SCMC said she "may be showing end of life signs" and I'm most certain that was correct, but Mom summoned a fighting spirit that always characterized her. She described herself as a "tough Swede." Now my parents are in the realm of salvation which their creator promised them. My mortal life continues.
So I'm the spokesman for the Ralph and Martha Williams Fund at our "jewel in the crown," the U of M-Morris. I'm not sure "jewel in the crown" is still used for promotion. I liked it. I prefer it to the "in the middle of somewhere" phrase I see now! The "somewhere" phrase is a takeoff on "in the middle of nowhere" which non-Morris-oriented people have always felt tempted to use in regard to us. We do have a history - the town and the college - of lagging when it comes to "amenities" associated with larger communities.

Fund named for Martha and Ralph Williams

Don't you sense, though, that the traditional amenities are not as important as they once were? My point is that the digital world with all its connectivity and entertainment options, renders the old-fashioned amenities not as important today, perhaps not important at all.
I mean, there was a time when larger communities like Alexandria and St. Cloud had as a prime amenity the all-American "shopping mall." How the mall was instilled in our very culture! These days, shopping malls are literally dying everywhere. The Alex mall was almost up for a sheriff's sale not long ago. Our family used to go there occasionally in the mall's heyday, and feel a "rush" unlike anything we could feel in Morris. The heyday was when White Drug had that big shopping space in the middle, which along with Herberger's and J.C. Penney made for exciting shopping or browsing. And of course you'd also see 3-4 people you knew and chatted with.
And now it's gone? Gone with the wind? Well yes, the old experience is gone completely. The shopping mall was once such a hub - you'd see exhibitions of various kinds and maybe see a local radio station with a remote table. Excitement! No more.
So my point is this: when choosing a college with your child, you needn't think at all of the traditional amenities that might show Morris at a disadvantage. In fact, the campus community itself gives all the support and nurturing a student needs. You might say it's self-contained. We get our entertainment in electronic devices which know no bounds. Believe me, at age 64 I appreciate this and have perspective about it. Kids take it all for granted.
So, come one, come all to our U of M-Morris. And get enriched in the liberal arts!
 
A childhood with doubts
As a "P.K." (professor's kid) I developed defensiveness. Furthermore, an inferiority complex is easy to develop. Perhaps especially if your parents are associated with UMM. How wonderful that our college is selective and attracts such "smart" kids. (The quote marks indicate that maybe the term shouldn't be taken literally.) I grew up hearing all the talk about how UMM was "superior," and it's natural for that kind of talk to spring forth. We want to promote.
I also heard talk about how courses could be "tough" and high grades might be elusive. This makes me feel desperate. Man, could I ever cut it? The thing is, I personally should feel no special expectations just because I was a P.K. I assumed that burden and placed it on myself, with a serious toll felt in terms of self-esteem. So I didn't even go to college here.
I can't re-write the past. I probably would have been better off not going to college at all. My parents were willing to support me financially. In the '70s the financial burden wasn't nearly as great as today. I have learned that "college inflation" started taking off right after I graduated in 1978. I feel for the students today who I learn acquire tremendous college debt. I don't know how they can deal with it. It's a generational thing, something expected as the norm and with shared strategies for dealing with it. I'm just glad I never had to deal with it.
 
We navigated through potential adversity
I can feel profoundly thankful today. Both my parents lived into their 90s and were able to stay at their precious home, not being compelled to go into a nursing home. Both came very close. My mom in fact spent six weeks at a nursing home about a year before she died - it was recovery from pneumonia. Medicare covered that. I was concerned that I might have to fight to get her home again.
I'm sure the nursing home staff could see I was distraught and perhaps I grated on them some - I wasn't used to Mom being in such a challenged condition.

A cornerstone for our Morris community

I was told at one point (by an outside physical therapist) that I could use my power of attorney to just bring her home, against others' wishes, but if I did that, Medicare would not cover anything. I was prepared to do that anyway. After about six weeks I did in fact get the green light to bring her home, so she could continue attending her regular family church, First Lutheran, when she was up for it. She was up for it on the final Sunday of her life, two days before she died. I assisted her with the communion cup for the first time. I had assisted my father in like fashion.
One thing both my parents could do, until the end, was recite the Lord's Prayer with some assistance from me. This was after their communication skills had become curtailed, especially my father's. My mother showed "sundowning" toward the end of the day, being excitable and talking in a frantic way, but if you were around her in the morning, you'd find her quite settled.
I brought Mom to a UMM concert that started at 4 p.m. I was taking a chance and sorry to say it did not go well. But she was able to smile and shake hands with Simon Tillier, from whom I think we learned a touch of the British accent.
Our family could have probably pulled strings years ago to escape having a nursing home claw at our assets. I guess a lot of families are doing that now. I remember getting a postcard promoting a seminar from Dean Barkley, the former (appointed) U.S. Senator and buddy of Jesse Ventura, on how to protect your assets from the nursing home. I'm saddened by this reality. If so many families are going to be pulling such strings (with their attorney) to ensure that the government (or "the county") takes over, maybe we should just have a total government-run system for nursing homes. Just like how we'll end up with a government-run system for health care. Take all the administrative costs out of it. Medicare should be the model even if "Medicare for all" may not be workable in literal form.
 
The Fund is an obvious course
I find myself alone at this point in my life. Family-wise I only have a handful of distant, not intimate contacts. I of course have no children and no significant other.
So it is with great pride that our family assets will go mainly if not exclusively toward the Ralph and Martha Williams Fund at our beloved U of M-Morris. It's already set up. Our assets will become more secured when I get my Medicare card within the next year. I'm at the point where people assume I'm a "senior citizen" and I'm not sure how to take that! This assumption was made when I arrived for the fabulous UMM jazz concert at the HFA Friday. Kudos to director Jonathan Campbell.
We need more people at these concerts! So, to whatever extent the Ralph and Martha Williams Fund can assist in all this, I'm delighted. The names of Martha and Ralph are what matter - mine can be put aside.
- Brian Williams - morris mn minnesota - bwilly73@yahoo.com