A Christmas Day for remembering family

Ralph and Martha Williams with "Heidi," our Lhasa Apso

It's Christmas Day morning, 2018. Surely the quietest time of the year. My first year with no family at home with me.
We had a typical enlivened Christmas through the years. Our three dogs (one at a time) were an indispensable part. First there was Misty, a Miniature German Schnauzer. Cancer shortened her life some. Jodi Sherstad-Jordon still fondly remembers Misty. We went about ten years without a dog, then we got Heidi, a Lhasa Apso.
Our last dog probably had the most personality of the three, Sandy. Sandy was part American Eskimo and part poodle. I described him to my co-worker Janet Kehoe who said most accurately "sounds like a mutt." Pet experts say a mutt can be the healthiest choice. Remember, Barack Obama described himself as a "mutt" with his mixed blood. Does any of that matter any more? I miss being around Janet.
Our dogs are gone and now, so are both my parents. I might feel lonely but I have my memories. On Christmas Eve I drove over to Glenwood for the 3 p.m. service at Glenwood Lutheran. That was my grandparents' church, Martin and Carrie Williams. They raised a family of five sons and had them all go through confirmation at Glenwood Lutheran. My father Ralph was the youngest of the five. He graduated from Glenwood High School in 1934 when the Great Depression cast a shadow across the U.S. Those were John Dillinger times. My uncle Howard and his wife Vi were lifelong residents of Glenwood. Howard was a banker with strong devotion to Glenwood and to his church of Glenwood Lutheran.
 
"You had to smile" at the church
The church had such a vibrant air when I entered Monday. Lively recorded music gave a backdrop, and little laser light dots were dancing on the walls. You had to smile. At no point were we required to hold a hymnal - instead we sang well-known Christmas songs with the lyrics on a big screen, so easy to join in.
We held up candles but they were not real candles, instead they were little battery-powered things. We didn't have to handle a communion cup. Instead the wafers were just lightly dipped in wine or grape juice or whatever. I don't recall any sort of earnest sermon, instead it was all just festive and happy. Kids came forward to light some elevated "real" candles and we applauded as they made connection! What a wonderful afternoon.

Martin and Carrie Williams of Glenwood

It got better for me after that. For several months I had made a resolution to locate the grave markers for my grandparents at Glenwood Lutheran Cemetery. I had no recollections of ever visiting there. That was strange but I theorized that my mom was concerned that a visit could be emotionally upsetting for Dad. There was some trauma involved with Carrie's death, something about a household accident, which has always been shrouded in family discussions. Perhaps someone felt responsible for what happened, but I just don't know. Her cause of death as reported in her obituary was a stroke.
There was trauma in connection to my grandfather's death as cancer took him down with the common spasms of pain at the end, according to what I've picked up. His death came in 1933 when he was only in his 50s. Maybe his profession of plasterer/mason put him in contact with materials that brought this on. My father said that when Martin first consulted with his doctor about this, the doctor's first response was "how's your soul?" Doctors were not such miracle workers back then.
My mother always had aversion to drastic medical intervention because of her memory of growing up in a time when "going to the hospital" could be the beginning of the end. She was born in 1924, just a few days before George H.W. Bush. So many of these medical procedures are routine today.
I remember getting a call from St. Cloud Hospital where they wanted to do an angiogram on Mom and she was resisting, as I knew she would. I am emotionally haunted by that as I could not be with her, as Dad was still home and in declining health. I had to be here with him. I got connected to Mom on the phone and after a couple minutes, got her talked into accepting the procedure. I'm probably the only person who could have done that. But it turned out, there must have been some doubt about whether Mom was really a candidate for a heart operation. By the time I talked to her, doctors had decided to release her and use a strategy of medication.
I can't dispute that judgment and Mom went on to live quite some time longer, longer than I suspect doctors were projecting. I'm sure her loving family and home were factors in that. Our dog "Sandy" was still alive. When Dad died and UMM had a concert in his memory, I told Sandy over and over "the concert they had for your daddy was the best concert they had all year!" Indeed, Mom and I recommended to Simon Tillier that the concert feature crowd-pleasing music rather than the more esoteric material.
 
Emotional rush for cemetery visit
I went to Glenwood Lutheran Cemetery after the Christmas Eve service. Twilight was getting close - remember that Christmas comes at the time of the Solstice. I had made one previous try at finding the cemetery and was unsuccessful. I had consulted the Internet and found that the cemetery was just off Highway 104 south of Glenwood. I found those directions not to be good enough, so I called the Glenwood Lutheran Church office and got a very helpful and friendly receptionist. Glenwood

My mom at right with Viola Williams, wife of Howard

Lutheran appears to have very good resources for doing everything.
I felt an emotional rush as I arrived at the cemetery late Monday afternoon.There are three cemeteries in that area: Glenwood Lutheran, a Catholic cemetery and an "all-comers" cemetery.
Morris does not have a specific Lutheran cemetery. The Catholics do, and with that is an anti-abortion monument that I find inappropriate. The Catholics have bigger issues to deal with like the misbehavior of priests. A priest in Boise ID recently got sentenced to 25 years in prison.
I wandered onto the Glenwood Lutheran Cemetery grounds, my heart thumping a little, and felt it might be a struggle to locate the markers. I saw a marker for "Colonel Gasman" - love that name - whose name I had seen as pallbearer in granddad's obituary. Thanks to Brent Gulsvig of Starbuck for getting me that obituary just recently. I had never before seen it.
I walked out and around and got lucky! First I saw a big elevated monument with "Williams" on it, no first names. It seemed rather new so I'm sure this is something uncle Howard arranged. I was discouraged momentarily as I thought there might not be individual family member markers. I scanned the ground around the monument, ground that had a generous amount of fallen fall leaves. Finally, the markers! Small modest markers, beautiful in their simplicity, for Carrie and Martin. I brushed aside leaves over Carrie's marker which showed more signs of weathering than Martin's, surprising since her death came much later, in 1949.
I then noticed there was another elevated monument behind the Williams one, this one dedicated to Howard and Vi. They had no children. They always considered the whole Glenwood community to be family. My family got together with Howard and Vi on all major holidays all through the years. Howard was a banker of impressive means - he mentioned buying NSP stock a long time ago! - but he lived in a modest house with outdated appliances. He and Vi didn't need a lot of "stuff." They had gotten through the Depression as my parents did. They had a proper perspective about things.
 

Martha Williams, at left, with sister-in-law Doris Ohlson

A Christmas of distinction, albeit alone
I will remember Christmas Eve Day of 2018 as one of the most treasured of my life. I will look into having flowers at the Williams plot in Glenwood come spring. There are no other blood family members in the area. Diane Williams who with husband Morley Frantzick lives on Lake Amelia near Villard, was married to my cousin Paul who died of cancer. Diane and Morley still enjoy being close to us, and bless them for that.
Paul was quite the independent thinker, reflecting a family trait I guess, and he converted to Judaism toward the end of his life. Earlier in his life he was quite in the Christian fold, being what you might call an "evangelical." Following his death, I was talking with a relative about his fluctuations in faith thinking, and I was told re. Paul: "He said he just didn't understand it (Christianity)." I know just where he was coming from. Couldn't Jesus just have been a philosopher type during politically contentious times? And the resurrection? Could that have been easily faked? The virgin birth? There is a strong school of thought that maintains this was just a bad translation.
Cousin Paul was the only child of my uncle Andy and aunt Irene, all deceased. Irene held me for my baptism at Central Lutheran Church in Minneapolis.
 
Just strive to believe, eh?
I have spent my whole life trying to believe the Christian story is true. I try, try, try. I want to get to heaven to see old friends and family again. It's hard to deal with. Religion seems to be the cause of so much strife and conflict in the world. My parents were members of the ELCA First Lutheran in Morris. I'm wondering if Morris can support two in-town ELCA churches any more. First Lutheran had four straight short-term pastors. I liked three of the four.

Dad at center with brothers Andy and Clyde and nephews Paul and Bob

We saw the "WordAlone" movement for a time, that was a rebellion against the ELCA, or so I surmise. It took me a while to understand that, as I'd see their notices of meetings in the paper and just assumed this was a harmless religion group. Eventually we saw a whole new church established just to the north of Morris, Good Shepherd, which I guess reflected the rebellious element. That whole thing was so pointless. The ELCA churches in Morris need support. They are such gentle and non-judgmental churches.
Another challenging sign locally is the apparent growth of the Apostolic Christian churches, and this I find troubling. To the extent they are siphoning people away from other churches, it makes it tough for the mainstream churches. I don't understand the attraction. I keep hearing that one AC church is more "strict" than the other. All this talk about strictness in churches, comparing them, almost makes me laugh. Members of "strict" churches are just as susceptible to sin as anyone.
I think all the unpretentious members of ELCA churches are the most gentle, fair-minded people around. They don't seem terrified of their own sin. They accept life as it's served up. Lutheran women don't have to dress or look a certain way. What does that prove? It just gives the look of a "cult" which is not a constructive thing for a community to get as a reputation.
And, all this talk about how the Apostolics are completely responsible for our area's economic health - that's distressing to hear. Even if these people are important, and many of them certainly are, why does their religion figure into it so much? I don't think Glenwood has that. And this makes for more clear sailing by Glenwood Lutheran Church which is such a vibrant, wonderful place, terrific for getting my memories of forebears revived.
Martin and Carrie, Howard and Vi, RIP. I can still taste the fine coffee Vi served upon our arrival for Christmas Day in Glenwood.
- Brian Williams - morris mn minnesota - bwilly73@yahoo

Ralph Williams at left with his brother Howard. The painting in back of a Lutheran "stave" church in Norway was done by their brother Joe. The photo was taken at the Williams family home in Morris.