If I could only talk to Grandma Carrie

The image shows Ralph E. Williams at the time of his graduation from the University of Minnesota. The year was 1939. The U.S. was trying to escape the throes of the Great Depression. Two years hence, our nation would be drawn into the conflagration of World War II. Music was Dad's stock-in-trade through his school years. He went on to become a prolific published music composer, something like 90 total works. Most importantly, he'd make his way here to the grand West Central Minnesota prairie. That was in 1960 when our grand venture of the University of Minnesota-Morris got launched. He was the only music faculty in UMM's first year. Yours truly got here just in time to join the kindergarten class for what would blossom into the MHS Class of 1973. The photo shows Dad's mother Carrie projecting pride. What a special woman she was, mother of five sons all of whom went through confirmation at Glenwood Lutheran Church. Then they went out in the world, found success, had good health through their prime and lived to an advanced age. Dad's brother Howard is at right. He was the uncle I knew best. His stock-in-trade was the banking profession right from his graduation from high school.
 
Looking through precious memorabilia
We received a box of items from Howard's house at the time he passed away. Among the items in that treasure chest was the graduation night program for Glenwood High School in 1929. Howard gave the salutatory address. The program is fresh and crisp like it was issued yesterday.
The box also included a large newspaper spread from the Minneapolis Tribune about the formation of the UMM orchestra. Howard felt pride in my father's high-profile musical endeavors. Dad had quite a resume from the 1950s before we made Morris our home. He directed the Minneapolis Apollo male chorus. His composing made its mark. Our First Lutheran choir in Morris recently performed one of his compositions, directed by the brilliant Bradley Miller who conducts today's UMM choir.
Dad taught music at the U of M St. Paul School of Agriculture which was on its last legs in the 1950s. Our West Central School of Agriculture was also on its last legs as the demand faded for those proud institutions. I was preschool age when Dad did his St. Paul teaching.
 
Working with Mahalia Jackson, other stars
Howard's box included a newspaper clipping about Dad directing a massed chorus of 750 voices at the Aquatennial Music on Parade concert. This was held at "the Metropolitan Sports stadium," as the article announced it, from the days before the big leagues moved in there. We came to call the place "The Met." The massed chorus shared the spotlight with well-known soloists Mahalia Jackson, Vic Damone and Woody Herman and his orchestra. Undoubtedly it was a moving performance.
Metropolitan Stadium first hosted baseball in 1956 when the home team was the Minneapolis Millers, a Triple-A minor league team. We were past due for getting the majors. Finally we took this step in welcoming Calvin Griffith's Washington Senators here for the 1961 season. We now cheered the Twins!
Dad took his family to a couple Twins games every summer for a long time. We cheered Harmon Killebrew and Tony Oliva. Yours truly has written songs about that era of Twins baseball. How bittersweet: we won the pennant in 1965 but could never win the overall championship in the Met Stadium years.
My grandmother Carrie led a bittersweet life because although she raised such a robust family, she died too young. Howard's box included the guestbook for her funeral. She died in 1949 so I was never able to meet her. My incentive to get to heaven is my fervent desire to meet her and get to know her. Carrie died when she was just age 63, the same age I am now. The newspaper obituary said she died of a stroke. However, the word around the family is that a household mishap was involved too. Perhaps she had the stroke which caused a fall, I don't know. But a fall seems to have figured in quite a bit. My mother never encouraged discussion of that.

Ralph E. Williams in Navy, "Lt.Williams"

Also, I have no memory of ever visiting my grandparents' graves. Perhaps Mom thought it might be too distressing for Dad to be there, as it would remind of the deaths that came too soon for both his parents.
I figured that Dad must have been a junior in high school when his father Martin died of cancer in 1933. Dad did tell me once that when his father finally went to the doctor to discuss his symptoms, the doctor promptly said "how's your soul?" Doctors did yeoman's work but they were not such miracle workers back then. I gathered it was one of those most unpleasant cancer declines and deaths.
I have never seen an obit for Martin in our house anywhere. Protecting Dad from distress? I don't know. My father always seemed the type to keep his emotions locked up inside. When confronted with thoughts that clearly called for emotion, he might not have been able to handle it.
 
Tracking down the hallowed ground
The guestbook for Carrie's funeral reported she'd be buried at Glenwood Lutheran Cemetery. In possession of that lead, I went online and located the place, along with confirmation that Martin and Carrie are indeed buried there. The Internet informed me that Glenwood Lutheran Cemetery is located off Highway 104 south of Glenwood. Last Sunday I made a stab at finding the place, feeling convinced there would have to be a sign along Highway 104. Or I'd see a cemetery! Oh, but no. So I called Glenwood Lutheran Church Monday and got a very friendly and helpful person. I'm supposed to look for Memorial Drive just after passing Barsness Park.
OK so we're all set. I may have to walk some to find the markers. I assume the markers for Howard and his wife Vi will be at the same place. I was at Howard's funeral but I don't recall going out to the cemetery for graveside services. Were someone's feelings/emotions being protected? Well, what matters now is that I get out to the gravesites of Martin and Carrie. I will do however much searching is needed. I may locate archives of the Pope County Tribune to read Martin's obituary.
I got the date of deaths from the Find-a-Grave site for Glenwood Lutheran Cemetery. Once I get a digital camera I can submit marker photos for that site. Imagine me being without an up-to-date camera! Does Thrifty White still send in "film?" I'm embarrassed to ask.
 
Happenstance of a meeting in Vegas
Howard and Vi were in Las Vegas once with some banking profession brethren, coincidentally at the same time that yours truly and my high school friend Art Cruze were there. I'm sure Howard and Vi were tickled when the phone rang at their "Mirage" hotel room and it was me! Art and I were able to scoot over for a visit. Howard and Vi were eager to take in Wayne Newton. Art and I came across as quite the common folk in mixing with Howard's crowd! Of course Howard put family over everything. He remembered me in his will.
Art was greatly amused by this encounter because he asked in vain more than once, what Howard's exact title was with the Glenwood bank. Howard was opaque as all get-out, expected of a savvy businessman. Ol' Howard was a Goldwater Republican and had Goldwater cigars in 1964. He came to resent the more strident ideological faction of the GOP as the years went on. Today I think he'd be a Jeff Flake Republican. Republicans are supposed to project a temperate air, not inclined to rock the boat. Howard thought George W. Bush was getting extreme with stridency. Maybe it's a good thing he's not even around to assess the current occupant of the White House!
I'm sure Art remembers today my uncle's amorphous nature about his banking position.
Howard did not die a graceful death. My family had to intervene to make sure he got taken to the hospital. His wife Vi had faded mental faculties. We all have human weaknesses, and in the case of Howard and Vi, they were too stubborn in wanting to keep their independence - they weren't receptive to certain services. Howard was one of those people who couldn't listen to sound advice in terms of giving up driving.
Looking back, I wish our family had actively tried to assert itself more with them. Such hindsight in regard to people in failing health is common. You know who understands all this better than anyone? Knute Nelson Hospice. Hospice people recognize that "death is a part of life."
 
My affection, not always reciprocated
Howard did not always express affection for me. I'll never forget when yours truly and some Morris friends, the Wohlers country music party, were at a nightclub, I think for New Year's Eve. Howard and Vi were there. I introduced everyone whereupon Howard did not express a generous view of me. He said "I don't know about this guy" and the remark was not intended in a light way.

The Williams boys of Glenwood, l-r: Joe, Clyde, Ralph, Andy and Howard

I was probably dealing once again with the curse of living with my parents. Such a living arrangement does not have such a stigma today. I went through lots of distress because of it. My uncle Joe made a rather sharp comment to me during a gathering at our home in Morris. It was incisive, and even today I rather resent it. I don't think Martin or Carrie would talk to me like that. I'm hoping in spring to decorate their gravesites.
 
She came here from Norway
The Reverend David J. Quill officiated at Carrie's final rites at Glenwood Lutheran. Pallbearers were Robert Winters, Carrol Savre, Ernest Pederson, Harry Ellefson, Vernon Hegg and Herman Quist. Carrie was a native of Lesja, Gulbrandsdalen, Norway. Her maiden name was Avdem. She came to the U.S. in 1905. She was employed in Glenwood and in Carrington ND prior to her marriage to Martin, a plasterer and mason. They raised their family north of Lake Minnewaska.
Following Martin's death at too young an age, Carrie did nursing work in Detroit Lakes, Minneapolis and Glenwood. Her siblings stayed in Norway with the exception of brother Andrew Avdem who settled in Pekin ND. I got to know Andrew when he was up in years. I thought Pekin was a place where time stood still, so peaceful.
The obit for Carrie observed that "in her passing, Mrs. Williams leaves among her family and friends memories of many happy times enjoyed in the hospitality of their home."
Look at the proud and stolid countenance of Carrie in the photo that accompanies this post. You can sense Dad's enthusiasm about the future, even though that future was going to include WWII and service in the Pacific Theater. He was lieutenant in the Navy. So much excitement lay in store for him as destiny would call on him to help launch our U of M-Morris.
 
Holidays: what family is about
Our family shared special holidays like Christmas and New Year's with Howard and Vi countless times. We'd alternate between our two residences. Howard and Vi stayed in a most modest home despite Howard accumulating what I assume were substantial riches - congrats Howard. They grew up in the Depression which meant they were just thankful for what they had - congrats all. They had a refrigerator that I'm sure was well past due for replacement.
The last year Howard and Vi were in their home, when the weight of living independently was becoming a challenge, I visited them on my own as one of my parents was sick, probably a cold. I visited unannounced as I was just continuing a jaunt that included Quinco Press in Lowry. I asserted "I'm Brian!" on the doorstep as they were getting a little foggy. Then they beamed and we had a most enjoyable visit at the table where we had gathered over the years.
My father was always dominant in our conversations and I found it somewhat liberating to visit Howard and Vi on my own. I will never forget it. As my father and Howard got older, I found the conversations got depressing because they spent so much time talking about people who had died or were in the nursing home! Such is the lot of dealing with passing years.
Howard and Dad were among five total sons of Martin and Carrie. Dad was the youngest. They are all gone now. But not really, as I'm sure they have a quite fine disposition in heaven. God bless the memory of everyone. I will reflect in my upcoming visit to Glenwood Lutheran Cemetery. I may even attend the Sunday morning service at Glenwood Lutheran Church. That church has a traditional service at 8:30 and a "contemporary praise service" at 11. Do you think I'm hip enough to attend the contemporary service?
- Brian Williams - morris mn minnesota - bwilly73@yahoo.com