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Remembering "Eye Opener" (published January 18 on "I Love Morris")
We lost Don Riley recently. I don't expect many young people or young adults to remember the old scribe. He had a popular and idiosyncratic column in the St. Paul Pioneer Press. On many an afternoon I'd buy the St. Paul paper at the student center at St. Cloud State, mainly so I could read Riley's "Eye Opener" column in sports.
You could expect humor. You could expect irreverence. You could also expect politically incorrect assertions, certainly by today's standards. Riley covered women's golf as if his only interest was in the athletes' looks. The criterion was of the type you'd expect as applied by the Dean Martin Variety Hour.
I remember him writing of women golfers: "My God but they're ungainly and crude." He picked out Laura Baugh as a nice sexy exception, and said of this blonde: "She's the only one I'd care to share a rhumba with." Try getting that past a copy desk today.
Women's athletics in general was a novelty that the well-established sportswriters of the time just didn't know how to handle. The one thing they had trouble doing was writing about female athletes like they wrote about all other athletes. And when they did start taking it seriously, they could still be condescending at times. They couldn't keep from attaching an asterisk of sorts to women's sports.
I remember myself, being surprised that female hoops players could even make 3-point shots. Mary Holmberg would want to bang me over the head for sharing that memory.
Don Riley had these offbeat subheads in his column that could be such a delight: "I'll talk, you listen." "Scatter-gunning from the catbird's seat." "Behind the lockers." "Don't print that." I remember coaxing Bart Hill to use one or two of these in his youth baseball submissions to me at the Morris paper in the1980s!
Riley set up this amusing adversarial relationship with Wisconsin and the Green Bay Packers. It was faux teasing and anger, of course. He just seized on a rivalry. He would sometimes publish angry feedback from a Wisconsin fan, and then react with his own (faux) vitriol. He'd respond by saying, for example: "And you'll love the view at Happy Acres." Of course that's politically incorrect humor too.
Yes, it was a more innocent and naive time in the history of our civilization. We worshipped the Vikings back then in the 1970s. We didn't know those poor men were being physically and mentally hurt to such a great degree by their sport. Fred McNeill the linebacker recently died because of degenerative brain problems. Alzheimer's or CTE? Lou Gehrig may not have died from Lou Gehrig's Disease.
The Star Tribune has had some long-time survivors from that era. I wonder if Sid Hartman has a ghostwriter today. At least there must be a very vigilant editor. Sid is at a very advanced age and should just be enjoying retirement. He has stayed at the dance too long, just like Herb Carneal did. Some people just cannot let go.
Patrick Reusse is a holdover from the Riley era, and he often strikes me as a throwback with his cynicism and incisive eye. My generation when young understood and accepted that cynicism and frankness. Young people of today who have studied "conflict resolution" are far less understanding. Today's youth are encouraged to be "glass half full" types. It was impossible to be like that in the age of the Viet Nam war.
Don Riley belongs in another age. He did give spice during that age. Don Riley RIP.
You could expect humor. You could expect irreverence. You could also expect politically incorrect assertions, certainly by today's standards. Riley covered women's golf as if his only interest was in the athletes' looks. The criterion was of the type you'd expect as applied by the Dean Martin Variety Hour.
I remember him writing of women golfers: "My God but they're ungainly and crude." He picked out Laura Baugh as a nice sexy exception, and said of this blonde: "She's the only one I'd care to share a rhumba with." Try getting that past a copy desk today.
Women's athletics in general was a novelty that the well-established sportswriters of the time just didn't know how to handle. The one thing they had trouble doing was writing about female athletes like they wrote about all other athletes. And when they did start taking it seriously, they could still be condescending at times. They couldn't keep from attaching an asterisk of sorts to women's sports.
I remember myself, being surprised that female hoops players could even make 3-point shots. Mary Holmberg would want to bang me over the head for sharing that memory.
Don Riley had these offbeat subheads in his column that could be such a delight: "I'll talk, you listen." "Scatter-gunning from the catbird's seat." "Behind the lockers." "Don't print that." I remember coaxing Bart Hill to use one or two of these in his youth baseball submissions to me at the Morris paper in the1980s!
Riley set up this amusing adversarial relationship with Wisconsin and the Green Bay Packers. It was faux teasing and anger, of course. He just seized on a rivalry. He would sometimes publish angry feedback from a Wisconsin fan, and then react with his own (faux) vitriol. He'd respond by saying, for example: "And you'll love the view at Happy Acres." Of course that's politically incorrect humor too.
Yes, it was a more innocent and naive time in the history of our civilization. We worshipped the Vikings back then in the 1970s. We didn't know those poor men were being physically and mentally hurt to such a great degree by their sport. Fred McNeill the linebacker recently died because of degenerative brain problems. Alzheimer's or CTE? Lou Gehrig may not have died from Lou Gehrig's Disease.
The Star Tribune has had some long-time survivors from that era. I wonder if Sid Hartman has a ghostwriter today. At least there must be a very vigilant editor. Sid is at a very advanced age and should just be enjoying retirement. He has stayed at the dance too long, just like Herb Carneal did. Some people just cannot let go.
Patrick Reusse is a holdover from the Riley era, and he often strikes me as a throwback with his cynicism and incisive eye. My generation when young understood and accepted that cynicism and frankness. Young people of today who have studied "conflict resolution" are far less understanding. Today's youth are encouraged to be "glass half full" types. It was impossible to be like that in the age of the Viet Nam war.
Don Riley belongs in another age. He did give spice during that age. Don Riley RIP.
Powerball adventure (published January 14 on "I Love Morris")
Why does the Powerball have to have such a high jackpot? Instead of one staggeringly big prize, why not split it up so you create a whole bunch of millionaires? In theory this argument is so strong. But the people who run these things know better: the one astronomical prize has an allure that attracts all the suckers, excuse me, "customers."
I once knew Willie Martin well so I'm inclined to use the word "astronomical." Maybe I should say "super astronomical." Willie would say "have a super astronomical day." I don't think he'd be fond of the Powerball, a phenomenon that maybe says something about the desperation of living in America. We buy into an elusive dream, a dream as likely to come alive for us as seeing a unicorn.
Morris native Dom Klyve reminds of the futility of buying tickets. Klyve is a mathematical genius, quite the opposite of yours truly. I reject the Powerball on the basis of common sense. Klyve can help us reject it using numbers logic. Dom's father Bill used to arrange for me to come and cover Pheasants Forever banquets.
I once worked with Dom's mother Lynn at the Morris Sun Tribune. Lynn said "good morning" to me in a way that made me feel more buoyant than anything in the world. Those times are gone with the wind now. Lynn once said that years hence, "no one will remember I worked at the Sun Tribune." Well, I remember. She got attuned to the Internet early-on. She helped me learn the ropes. It was through emailing with Lynn that I learned that you can send and receive email from anywhere in the country, using a Yahoo or Gmail account. I was amazed discovering all this. I was so used to old, analog systems of communications. Finally I got "hip." Thanks Lynn.
Is it realistic to hope to win the Powerball? Is it realistic to hope to come in contact with space aliens?
"It's hard to come up with words for how unlikely this is," Dom Klyve of Central Washington University said. "You could try flipping a coin, calling it in the air, and your odds of getting it right 28 times in a row are better than your odds of winning the Powerball." Only one combination out of 292 million will win.
The more tickets you buy, the better the odds? Not by much, Klyve advises. If one person buys a single ticket while another person buys 20, Klyve says "they have a 20 times better chance of winning, but 20 times approximately zero is still approximately zero - neither of you are going to win tonight."
I remember the young prodigy Mr. Klyve working along the checkout line at Pamida in Morris. Pamida you'll remember was the predecessor to the more high-class ShopKo. Pamida was notorious for having such gaping potholes in the parking lot, it was dangerous.
Dom has a sister Danika who you might remember too. Danika is in the TV media field in the Twin Cities. Each year I email a Christmas greeting to Lynn and I see that she gets a link to my new Christmas song. She has stopped answering those emails. I'm sure she's very busy. She's a good friend of Judy Diehl of Morris.
I once knew Willie Martin well so I'm inclined to use the word "astronomical." Maybe I should say "super astronomical." Willie would say "have a super astronomical day." I don't think he'd be fond of the Powerball, a phenomenon that maybe says something about the desperation of living in America. We buy into an elusive dream, a dream as likely to come alive for us as seeing a unicorn.
Morris native Dom Klyve reminds of the futility of buying tickets. Klyve is a mathematical genius, quite the opposite of yours truly. I reject the Powerball on the basis of common sense. Klyve can help us reject it using numbers logic. Dom's father Bill used to arrange for me to come and cover Pheasants Forever banquets.
I once worked with Dom's mother Lynn at the Morris Sun Tribune. Lynn said "good morning" to me in a way that made me feel more buoyant than anything in the world. Those times are gone with the wind now. Lynn once said that years hence, "no one will remember I worked at the Sun Tribune." Well, I remember. She got attuned to the Internet early-on. She helped me learn the ropes. It was through emailing with Lynn that I learned that you can send and receive email from anywhere in the country, using a Yahoo or Gmail account. I was amazed discovering all this. I was so used to old, analog systems of communications. Finally I got "hip." Thanks Lynn.
Is it realistic to hope to win the Powerball? Is it realistic to hope to come in contact with space aliens?
"It's hard to come up with words for how unlikely this is," Dom Klyve of Central Washington University said. "You could try flipping a coin, calling it in the air, and your odds of getting it right 28 times in a row are better than your odds of winning the Powerball." Only one combination out of 292 million will win.
The more tickets you buy, the better the odds? Not by much, Klyve advises. If one person buys a single ticket while another person buys 20, Klyve says "they have a 20 times better chance of winning, but 20 times approximately zero is still approximately zero - neither of you are going to win tonight."
I remember the young prodigy Mr. Klyve working along the checkout line at Pamida in Morris. Pamida you'll remember was the predecessor to the more high-class ShopKo. Pamida was notorious for having such gaping potholes in the parking lot, it was dangerous.
Dom has a sister Danika who you might remember too. Danika is in the TV media field in the Twin Cities. Each year I email a Christmas greeting to Lynn and I see that she gets a link to my new Christmas song. She has stopped answering those emails. I'm sure she's very busy. She's a good friend of Judy Diehl of Morris.
Christmas season intensifies (originally published on December 2 on "I Love Morris")
Christmas shines with its vitality between Thanksgiving and the magical date itself. When I was a kid, the day after Thanksgiving was considered a decent day to shop and it was just common sense. We saw no need to make a mania out of it: "Black Friday." And now we have "Cyber Monday" and "Small Business Saturday."
There's a person in Fargo leading an effort to get main street stores to be open on Sundays, all the time. It's about time someone made note of this. The big box stores with their substantial hardware departments are open on Sunday, while the traditional little main street hardware stores aren't. It's a head-scratcher. I suppose it's a reflection of blue laws, seen as more and more quaint.
The Morris newspaper prior to Black Friday was loaded with a ridiculous number of those ad circulars. This is a head-scratcher for me. The papers brag about how many circulars they are offering their customers. So I suppose it's good for the papers. But if I'm an individual advertiser, I'd be concerned that my circular would get lost in the shuffle. Who on earth is going to page through all that crap and then drive to Alexandria and spend hundreds of dollars all over the place? And if you did, would all that "stuff" really make you happy?
It's odd because we now live in a time when communications are so easy and economical because of the electronic media. And yet we seem to be showered with those ad circulars more than ever. It seems environmentally stupid.
I suppose people still buy the Morris paper so they can see if anyone they know got a seat belt citation from police. It feeds the gossip mill and isn't good for much else. If enough people stopped buying the Morris paper, maybe it would just disappear.
A nice Thanksgiving regardless (published November 30 on "I Love Morris")
There's a person in Fargo leading an effort to get main street stores to be open on Sundays, all the time. It's about time someone made note of this. The big box stores with their substantial hardware departments are open on Sunday, while the traditional little main street hardware stores aren't. It's a head-scratcher. I suppose it's a reflection of blue laws, seen as more and more quaint.
The Morris newspaper prior to Black Friday was loaded with a ridiculous number of those ad circulars. This is a head-scratcher for me. The papers brag about how many circulars they are offering their customers. So I suppose it's good for the papers. But if I'm an individual advertiser, I'd be concerned that my circular would get lost in the shuffle. Who on earth is going to page through all that crap and then drive to Alexandria and spend hundreds of dollars all over the place? And if you did, would all that "stuff" really make you happy?
It's odd because we now live in a time when communications are so easy and economical because of the electronic media. And yet we seem to be showered with those ad circulars more than ever. It seems environmentally stupid.
I suppose people still buy the Morris paper so they can see if anyone they know got a seat belt citation from police. It feeds the gossip mill and isn't good for much else. If enough people stopped buying the Morris paper, maybe it would just disappear.
A nice Thanksgiving regardless (published November 30 on "I Love Morris")
Our family had leftovers for Thanksgiving. We had sufficient food and we gave thanks for it. There was only one restaurant open in the Morris area for Thanksgiving, to my knowledge, but the price it charged for the meal was prohibitive. We would have enjoyed going for a reasonable price. Did they have a children's price?
I wonder how much food that restaurant had left over at the end of the day. I wonder what happened to it. Maybe in the future something could be worked out where the Senior Community Center kitchen could put out something for Thanksgiving. No point in that building just sitting there empty and locked up.
I wonder how much food that restaurant had left over at the end of the day. I wonder what happened to it. Maybe in the future something could be worked out where the Senior Community Center kitchen could put out something for Thanksgiving. No point in that building just sitting there empty and locked up.
I'm at the senior center now typing this, recalling that last night we got a robocall notice that a big winter storm was moving in. Better stock up etc. It's around noon now and I see no sign of anything bad. Let's be careful that a "cry wolf" syndrome doesn't set in.
Here's a post from April 4, 2014, on "I Love Morris" that I feel is apt since our church, First Lutheran, canceled services this past Sunday, such is the wear and tear of winter on our souls.
We used to talk about Siberia like this. The weather has made our Upper Midwest seem a forlorn and desolate place.
We have had winters with more snow. But there is something about the sheer persistence of this past winter that has gotten into our psyche. It's something we can't even dismiss with the "sing-song" voice cadence revealed in the movie "Fargo." A new TV series continues the legend of "Fargo." It continues the themes of that movie but with all new characters and story line. Get ready for more of the "sing-song" voice. The voice cadence belies the burden we feel as Minnesotans, scraping ice off our windshield or walking over snow with the "crunching" sound underneath.
We have had winters with more snow. But there is something about the sheer persistence of this past winter that has gotten into our psyche. It's something we can't even dismiss with the "sing-song" voice cadence revealed in the movie "Fargo." A new TV series continues the legend of "Fargo." It continues the themes of that movie but with all new characters and story line. Get ready for more of the "sing-song" voice. The voice cadence belies the burden we feel as Minnesotans, scraping ice off our windshield or walking over snow with the "crunching" sound underneath.
We kick the "car clumps" off the bottom of our vehicles. Sometimes we walk over snow that seems hard enough to support our weight, when suddenly we find it isn't quite that hard. We have to "extricate ourselves."
We talk about the weather like it's an ominous ghost that is about to inconvenience us again. Sometimes we look to the horizon and don't really see the horizon, we just see a shade of blue. The western Minnesota landscape becomes totally non-descript. A famous quote about Oakland CA is that "there is no 'there' there." Whoever said that should have driven from Glenwood to Sauk Centre this time of year.
Our ability to be in denial about the weather vicissitudes is tested. We use the sing-song voice to try to be upbeat about things that are happening in our community. We talk about church. We ruminate about our heating bill staying higher than it should be.
I have sworn that we aren't going to use our air conditioner this summer. However hot it gets, it'll be fine by me.
Keep in mind that the upcoming summer exists only in theory. We only assume it will come. We use faith to assume summer is coming. Stubborn patches of snow remain, which we learn to just disregard. The snow of early spring is ugly snow. The drifts get dirty. New snow is wet and disappears fast.
Calvin Griffith had to get used to Minnesota weather when he came here. Calvin brought major league baseball to Minnesota. Baseball symbolizes summer. He once recalled an early Saturday morning game his Twins had to play, in order to accommodate the Gophers football game that afternoon. The Twins were playing Detroit.
In the fifth inning the snow started cascading down. The game was called off. Calvin could have used the sing-song voice to indicate "life just goes on," or to change the subject. He recalled thinking to himself: "What the hell have I gotten us into out here in Minnesota."
In the fifth inning the snow started cascading down. The game was called off. Calvin could have used the sing-song voice to indicate "life just goes on," or to change the subject. He recalled thinking to himself: "What the hell have I gotten us into out here in Minnesota."
Looking back years later, Calvin, the acclimated Minnesotan, said "Now I know better." (Us Minnesotans always "know better.") He added: "My memories are pleasant."
In 1962 when the Twins were in their second year, a storm on April 12 snowed out the opener vs. Los Angeles. The storm dumped a foot of snow on the southern two-thirds of the state. The Twin Cities recorded six inches by 6 p.m. on the 12th, making a total of 81.3 inches of snow for the year. Then on the 13th, we got the coldest April 13 on record. A look at the thermometer showed two degrees above zero early on the 13th.
In May of 1976, in the midst of those disco '70s, when we took in those "Smokey and the Bandit" movies, a Twins game was snowed out at Metropolitan Stadium. The Twins were marking Bat Day, a day of some annoyance if you sat under one of the decks. The boys loved it I'm sure. A quick spring storm left 1.2 inches of snow in the Twin Cities that morning. It was May so of course most of the snow was melted by game-time, but the field was soggy and there was snow on the shadowed ground.
These images inspired us to get the Metrodome built. The Metrodome was like a "Fortress of Solitude" (from "Superman") that we could present the world as a way of showing defiance vs. the weather elements.
We never want to admit we've been overcome by the weather. We're aware that there are times when it challenges us, when we come close to saying "uncle." We essentially hunker down.
We ensure the basic health and safety of all of us. School can get canceled or delayed often. When I was a kid and school got called off, the announcement was made on KMRS Radio which had a song all set to be played, beginning with the lyrics "That's what happiness is." That was probably the name of the song. Inspired by the Peanuts comic strip?
Us kids were happy when there was no school in the '60s. That's a politically incorrect attitude today. Today the kids are supposed to appreciate every minute they spend in school, as they are filled with knowledge helping them "succeed in the world of tomorrow," when in fact they'll enter a world ruled by corporate puppetmasters who won't want to pay them a dime more than necessary. The workplace of tomorrow will ironically be "dumbed down," ironic because we're telling ourselves that education (and college) are so important. Lemmings, we are.
We are dazed as we look back on the winter of 2013-14. Eventually we'll be able to put on those sandals and T-shirts. We swear we should have been able to do it by now. Before we know it, the University of Minnesota-Morris graduation will come and go, with a good chance it'll be held inside again. The UMM graduation has a bad track record with the weather.
The high school graduation will then come and go. By then the weather should be accommodative.
Sports suggestion (originally published April 4, 2014, on "I Love Morris")
I have made this point strongly before, that the early spring weather is unacceptable for trying to launch spring prep sports: baseball, softball, track.
Where there is a problem there is a solution. Let's have a one-month indoor season with the boys playing volleyball and girls playing floor hockey (unless you have better suggestions).
Then, in May the baseball and softball could begin and continue all the way through August, with the state High School League coordinating with the American Legion. Track would weave its way in somehow. But these early April games are so tentative on the schedule, it gets discouraging. You look at the game results and you see "PPD" next to several of the early games.
I once heard about the U of M-Duluth baseball team making the normal "southern trip" in early spring, like to Florida, but when they got back, weather was so uncooperative, they had to start getting in shape again before playing games.
Our athletic systems must adjust. More indoor sports would be a solution. A "post-season" wouldn't be necessary as the kids could just play within conference, the accent being on fun. That's a novel idea, isn't it?
Here's an email I sent to well-known media analyst Alan Mutter of the "Newsosaur" blog. He teaches at UC-Berkeley.
Quick note: I'm not Brian Williams the anchorman.
Hi Mr. Mutter: I enjoy reading "Newsosaur." I am a 1978 graduate of St. Cloud State University (MN) in mass communications and worked 27 years in the community press.
Here's a question: Is there one funeral home in the U.S., just one, that has contacted its local newspaper to say: "You can publish our obituaries if you want, but we aren't going to pay you." I think this would be a fascinating experiment. It was in about the year 2006 that papers and funeral homes all across the U.S. adopted this new system whereby funeral homes would take complete responsibility for writing obits, to the extent the papers aren't allowed to edit them - amazing - but then the papers would get paid to simply publish them. Yes, a "win win" for the papers: no need to pay an "obituary writer," plus they get paid. Nice work if you can find it. In the old days the obit writer position was sort of low status and you might grimace if doing it. It was a blessing that a writer could even be employed doing it.
I suspect funeral homes are under great pressure to keep prices down. The big trend is toward cremation and lower expense, for a variety of reasons that aren't pertinent here, except to accent how funeral homes are having to adjust. My Dad died three years ago and I don't want to tell you what it cost. Our family isn't going to pay that again, I guarantee you. So, might funeral homes not be as enthused about taking money from the grieving family and then relaying it to the newspaper?
Am I the only one asking these questions? A general economic collapse would intensify these pressures.
Topic No. 2: I don't think enough has been said about the tremendous economic boon for community newspapers in not having to pay for a photographic darkroom anymore. Those things were the epitome of "Rube Goldberg." Hell, I'd get a big thick catalogue from Cedar Falls IA just full of "junk" to buy for your photography and darkroom systems. And it's all gone now, gone with the wind, like buggy whip manufacturers. The cost savings has helped papers survive.
Topic No. 3: A couple of the top media analysts, Jeff Jarvis and Michael Wolff, made predictions a few years ago that went laughably wrong, yet they retain their top-tier status and respect. I guess they have been "let past the velvet rope" - something that was supposed to be harder to accomplish in this new age of the online meritocracy. Mr. Jarvis predicted several years ago that newspaper preprint ads would completely disappear within two years. Hell, those ads are more polluting than ever, just observe on "Black Friday." And Mr. Wolff predicted a long time ago that "80 percent of all newspapers will go under in the next 18 months." I'm sure these are smart people, and maybe they just suspected they'd stay famous if making profound, drastic predictions. Oh, I'm too cynical I guess.
The big picture: After a decade of doomsaying about newspapers, where are we? Yes, the numbers show a great many newspaper people have lost their jobs. Granted. But, go to any community in America and you'll see the old reliable paper for sale at the convenience store, like always, maybe a little smaller, but still just as viable for all practical purposes. All the bombast over the Seattle Post-Intelligencer and Rocky Mountain News seems rather frivolous now - those papers were anomalous anyway. But there was so much breathless reporting at the time, like by my namesake at NBC News! "We're at a milepost." Well, I'm not so sure.
Anyway, good luck to you as you continue your writing and observation! I had a roommate for a summer job in 1972 who was headed to UC-Berkeley, and I hope it worked out for him!
In response: I got a nice response from Mr. Mutter and I won't share the whole thing, as it was intended as one-to-one, but I'll post the final sentence which contains an online link that is recommended and enlightening, so I'll encourage you to follow the link.
I never have tried to pick a date when print will fade away but the day is getting closer all the time. See this:
http://www.mediapost.com/
http://www.mediapost.com/
Regards,
adm
Alan D. Mutter
- Brian Williams (not the anchorman), Morris, Minnesota, USA
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